peregr1ne: my mom is trying to pick a colour for her new wheelchair and me and my dad are telling her to get black and she’s just like “but how will I know if someone is stealing it” and my dad is just like “because you’ll be sitting on the floor” and she slapped him
peevesies: i went down to the middle school today for relay for life and i saw my old social studies teacher i had a crush on (don’t talk to me) and he was like “hey how are you i haven’t seen you in ages?” and the first thing i blurted out was “I JUST TURNED 18” and jesus christ if that’s not the thirstiest thing i’ve said in my whole life
sodamnrelatable: when you see your parent come home from the grocery store
makkine: makkine: Oh my god this is giving me flashbacks to when Disney announced it was buying club penguin and there was a literal actual penguin protest in front of the clothes shop for like 4 hours straight I love society
toadlyoko: So in middle school we weren’t allowed to have any drinks aside from water but I kept sprite or the clear kool aid in a water bottle and felt like I was someone who made moonshine during the prohibition era.
holmecuffed: SETH MACFARLANE JUST MADE A RIHANNA AND CHRIS BROWN JOKE AND THE CAMERA SCANS THE AUDIENCE AND THERE HE IS, RDJ THE ONLY ONE CLAPPING IN THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE IM PISSING
bikinimybottom: last year we read romeo and juliet and the teacher said that romeo and his friends were equivalent to a gang and the girl behind me whispered ‘ima pop a capulet in yo ass’
vanillish: underneathesestairs: So if you’re not signed into tumblr and you go on someone’s blog, you’ll see this And if you click the “Join Tumblr” button the background will be a post that that person reblogged, so I did it from my brother’s blog and IM LAUGHIGN SO HARD ICAN’T BERAETGH
car0line127: kittencas: jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaackson: bellatirx: batmansbutt: percybeth: i was going to the bathroom when i’ve been staring at this for like five minutes and i can’t figure out if that’s a toilet or some kind of sink with a lid it looks like a speedboat it’s an ass sink so no one is going to talk about the cat in the ass sink or what OH SHIT THERE IS A CAT IN...
royal-high: a kid from my school just got expelled today for pretending to be russian for 8 months. he pretended he couldn’t read, write or talk english he did good in all his classes because he had all the teachers and principles convinced he just moved from russia, so they didn’t make him do any work
interneting: watching a kid in class sass the teacher
really-shit: If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.